Holding On and Letting Go
by Evil Kittens Unite
Summary: Snape gets a visitor that changes the course of his life.


Disclaimer: Not mine

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**Holding On and Letting Go**

Snape did not recognize the woman who came into his office, though he could tell from the small frown on her face that she had, at least, a passing familiarity with him.

A former student? he wondered. He had been teaching a long time- too long- and it was perfectly possible that this woman was one of the dunderheads who had had the distinct pleasure to have graced his classroom. But no, he realized on catching a glimpse of her honey brown eyes, he did not think it possible to forget the quiet intelligence he saw there.

"Can I help you?" Snape asked briskly. He might have been imagining things, but for a second he swore he saw a ghost of a smile flit across her face.

"No, Professor Snape," the woman's eyes narrowed at him, "but I believe that I can help you."

Snape couldn't help himself- he snorted. It should figure. The woman was likely some sort of salesperson here to beguile him into buying fancy- and overly priced!- lab equipment. That was, at least, the most plausible explanation for why there was currently a young, attractive witch sitting in his office.

"Now, now, Professor Snape, hear me out…"

"And who, pray tell, are you? And what is it exactly you think you can help me with?" Snape didn't think it was possible, but now the woman was definitely smiling at him.

"The name's Granger. Hermione Granger, to be exact. And you may not realize it, Sir, but I'm here to save your life."

Hermione realized she might have gone too far when his hands stilled. She knew from experience that meant she had crossed a line. Snape's black eyes flashed at her and, for a second, she felt like she was back in lessons and was about to be reprimanded for dubious reasons. But this wasn't school- there were no house points to be lost, no detentions to be earned, and there certainly weren't any Professors to impress. This went beyond all that. This was about Severus Snape's life, a life that was almost as precious to her as her own…

"And how exactly do you plan on saving my life, Miss Granger?" Snape asked. Her stomach dropped at the silky sound of his voice. Hermione berated herself. Now was not the time to get distracted. This was not the man that she loved. Not yet, and not for a long while.

"Well, Professor Snape, it's hard to explain, but the first thing you have to do is trust me. An impossible task, I know."

"And what would possess me to do something as dangerous as that?"

Hermione looked thoughtful. "The school year starts tomorrow, does it not?"

"It does."

"I will return in a week's time to explain further," she said, standing. She watched as Snape quickly debated in his head the best course of action. The eternal weighing of pros and cons that comes with having a devious mind and too many enemies.

"I have questions," he said.

Hermione grinned at him uninhibited. "Trust me, you'll have _much_ more by tomorrow evening." With that, Hermione turned her heal and flounced out of the office her blue robes billowing around her ankles.

And Snape just sat there. He was still too stunned by what had just happened to react. Such behaviour on his part could have easily been fatal, but Hermione had not been out to kill him. Quite the opposite, Snape reflected, she seemed determined to keep him alive.

He wasn't sure if he agreed with the sentiment, but he couldn't help but to acknowledge it.

* * *

"Granger, Hermione," called Professor McGonagall. Snape's head whipped up so fast he was surprised he hadn't given himself whiplash. Thankfully everyone else was too absorbed with the Sorting- not to mention the Potter boy- in order to pay him any heed.

He took note of the girl. She seemed eager- bouncing up and down on the stool- her hair was brown and bushy- almost impossibly so. Good god, he thought, there's no way that bird's nest is her hair. He wondered if the girl was _her_ daughter or a relative of some sort. It wouldn't even be odd if they had the same name as such things tended to be inherited in Wizard families.

Except he knew that Granger wasn't a Wizarding name, and he hadn't never met or even heard of another witch named Hermione. He felt his stomach clench. Is this what she had meant when she had told him that he would have more questions?

It dawned on him then- slowly and in a most horrific fashion- that time travelling might be the culprit here. For most the idea would be absurd; even with the use of magic to make it possible the very notion of time travel was something that was eschewed by those with any sense. It was something that would go wrong so easily that only those who were incredibly stupid or incredibly intelligent would even consider it.

Considering the witch had been fairly adamant about saving his life he was betting that it was the former rather than the latter.

"Gryffindor," the hat shouted, and that's really when Severus Snape started to feel sick. Now there was no doubt about it; his life was in the hands of a dunderhead.

* * *

While he waited for the witch to return, and hopefully explain what in the world she believed she was doing, Snape watched the girl with a cautious interest.

The day of her first Potions class had been a disaster. She had just been so eager to answer his questions. He wondered if she actually knew the answers or is she was just- well in all honesty he had no idea _what_ she was trying to do. Certainly she had made a show of herself.

So had the Potter boy. If Snape were the smiling type, he probably would have grinned in satisfaction at the memory of the boy's discomfort, but he wasn't. Instead, he settled a nice glare on his face in order to keep the corners of his lips from twitching upward.

"You look happy," said the voice that had been haunting his dreams for the last week.

Snape didn't bother to look up from his desk. "I can tell you with great certainty that I do not."

He could practically feel the witch beaming at him. "I know that look. You're desperately trying not to smile."

He lifted his head then. Slowly, of course, for dramatic effect. "Well, Miss Granger, since you seem to be the expert on all things involving me, I guess I'll just have to take your word for it."

"Well, not just you," Hermione said.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm an expert in a lot of things, not just you."

"Yes, and I imagine time travel would be one of those things?" he asked, in that deep voice of his.

Hermione resisted the urge to clap her hands in delight. Barely. "Oh, I knew you would figure it out. Well, I guess it shouldn't have been too difficult. I mean, I did leave you plenty of hints and honestly, I would've been shocked if _you_ of all people hadn't come to that conclusion." Hermione felt her cheeks start to redden. "I'm babbling aren't I? I have a tendency to do that."

"I've noticed."

She pouted at him then. "I know you hide behind your sarcasm, but this is the last time that I'll be able to come back and I don't have much time left, so I would prefer if we could get down to the reason I travelled fourteen years into the past."

"What exactly does a twenty-five year old witch travel back in time to visit her old Potions master? I am certain that there are other, more productive things that you can be doing," said Snape. He wasn't even being snarky. No, he truly meant ever word he had said.

Hermione felt her indignation rise. "There is nothing- nothing!- more important that I could be doing. Don't you ever say that to me again."

Snape was taken aback. He was not expecting that sort of reaction. Was it possible the witch had feelings of some sort for him? He quashed that thought before it even had a chance to form. That was a road he would not even start to think about.

He quirked an eyebrow then. "So you mentioned something about saving my life?"

Hermione grinned then, her previous anger forgotten. She slipped a small bottle from a pocket of her robe and offered it to him. He took it, taking great care not to touch her.

Snape studied it carefully- the color, texture, aroma- and he could not readily identify it. "What pray tell is this supposed to be?"

"Well," Hermione answered, "it is actually a very complex potion that integrates a specific antivenin with blood replenishing and coagulating properties. It can also maintain blood pressure and encourages healing."

"And this is the potion that will save my life?"

"Yes, it is."

"And how do I know it's not a poison or some such?"

Hermione gave him a withering look. "Is that the kind of potion you would take if you weren't about to die from venom or blood loss?"

If Hermione didn't know better she would call the look Snape gave her _apologetic_. Still, she thought the pink stain of his cheeks were quite becoming. "No, I suppose it isn't. Still, I would not like to count on some potion on which I know very little about in order to save my life. How do I know that it was not brewed by a complete dunderhead?"

Hermione tried to suppress a laugh. "Well, considering you were the one who brewed it I don't think that will be a problem."

"Wait, I brewed the potion that is going to save my life? That doesn't seem paradoxical to you at all?" Snape asked, already pushed past the point of incredulity.

Hermione leaned forward. "Oh, but that is exactly what it is. A complete paradox. Considering you are alive and well in my time means that it has already happened so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you."

"So I won't see you again?"

"No, not for awhile," said Hermione, sighing out the words. Before Snape could even realize what she was doing, she had already closed the distance between them and was kissing him quite attentively. Snape's brain had just barely processed what was happening when he felt her pull away.

He saw that Hermione was staring at him intently. "Just so you know, Severus," she said in a quiet voice, "things will get bad, so bad that you will probably give up all hope, but trust me; you do get through it. You do survive. Your life is worth something. It's worth something to me." Hermione could feel her throat constricting. "Please, never feel like you're alone. I promise you, you're not."

Snape was speechless. There was nothing he could say to that.

"Oh, and one last thing, please don't be too hard on Harry."

And with that she was gone.

* * *

Those seven years passed in a blur. Sometimes too quickly, sometimes too slowly. There were times when he just wanted to give up and submerge himself in the lake. Then he would remember the pressure of those lips against his and he would grit his teeth and keep pushing forward.

He may have become a murderer, but he knew that he would be loved. Loved despite killing the one man who had meant anything to him, loved despite his failure to protect Hogwarts from the Dark Lord. Loved in despite of everything.

So when Nagini tore out most of his neck he wasn't too concerned. After all, this wasn't the end. He gave the Potter brat his memories as he had been instructed and when he was alone, moments from death, he tipped the potion down his throat.

And nothing happened. Blood continued to spew from his neck and he could feel himself grower weaker by the second. _No!_ He thought desperately_, it wasn't supposed to be like this!_

"Severus," said the voice. His vision was started to blur, but he could still tell that it was her. He relaxed then. Surely, this Hermione would help him?

He felt the pressure of her hands against his face stroking him in a loving manner. "I'm sorry there's nothing I can do," she said.

Snape tried desperately to open his eyes. "_You lied_," he managed to rasp out. The horror of what was happening hit him. _She had lied_ _and he was going to die._

"Not about everything," she said, and he could feel the softness of her lips on his forehead. And then he was sinking into an inky blackness.

Hermione gripped his slack body tightly for what may have been a few minutes, or a few hours. She didn't realize that the grief would hit her as hard as it had. After all, how many times had she relived this? Too many.

She laid out his body gently and vanished most of the blood. He looked peaceful and for a moment she considered giving up and just let time take its course. But then her heart would give an odd little squeeze, and she knew that she would have to keep trying.

She took out her time turner and spun it forward.

It was back to the potions lab for another attempt. After all, she had all the time in the world.

_~Fin_

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_A/N: _I'm not totally happy with this (aside from the glaring plot holes and such) this story doesn't feel complete to me. Still, this particular plot bunny was driving me a special kind of crazy and this at the very least got it out. :) Also, this story is unbeta'd so feel free to point out any mistakes you may find.


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